A thought leading to self discovery

Nov 2011, a thought rambled in my ever-noisy mind.

Am I an "Outspoken Introvert or a Shy Extrovert"?

This lead to many google results which landed me on the paths of
"Giftedness". Which eventually lead to "Gifted Adult ADD" and finally onto "HSP".

• Took 2 months, from Dec 2011 to Jan 2012 on 'Gifted' trace.
• Took another 3 months, from Feb to Apr 2012 on 'Enneagram' trace.
• Took yet another 2 months, from May to Jun 2012 on 'HSP' trace.

Long journey eh.

Today (12-June-2012 @ 1.00 AM), I learned another term "Extravert HSP" from this article:
http://denmarkguy.hubpages.com/hub/hsp

Phew, things are getting wider out. Seems no end. I am tired.

I just...

I can be just me!
I want to be me!
I am me!

Heighten Sensitivity

"...But your intensity is ten times more..."

Those were the words reiterated to me on 5-June-2012.

I continued to google for help, and stumbled across this article today on 11-Jun-2012 00.15AM.
http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201107/sense-and-sensitivity?page=2

It describes Elaine Aron (the author of the book HSP) on her sensitivity described by her psychotherapist in 1991.

It seems like I am on the same page as her. The difference is, I am a Chinese Male Adult in Asian region where the acceptance level is much lower than in the West.

Can't find my way back

Ever since I stumbled into new exciting discovery into my ownself, I can't seem to be able to find my way back to the Idyllic lifestyle that I lived back when I was 20.

I longed for that lifestyle and am strugglin' with going for it or continue to pursue down the path of finding my true potential

Questions

"Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt fully understood?"

"How long has it been since you felt you could truly be yourself, without covering up, slowing down, or holding back?"

In the movie, GoodWill Hunting, the protagonist was struggling with the above questions too.

Fear of the end

Am I afraid to find out that I cannot win in the end?